1 John 4:7-21
May 6, 2012
Beloved, let us love one another,
because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. God’s love was
revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we
might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he
loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Beloved,
since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever
seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in
us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us
of his Spirit.
And we have seen and do testify that
the Father has sent his Son as the Savior of the world. God abides in those who
confess that Jesus is the Son of God, and they abide in God. So we have known
and believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and those who abide in
love abide in God, and God abides in them.
Love has been perfected among us in
this: that we may have boldness on the day of judgment, because as he is, so
are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out
fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached
perfection in love. We love because he first loved us. Those who say, “I love
God,” and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love
a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen.
The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their
brothers and sisters also.
A
friend of mine told me a story about a Methodist pastor’s experience in a
Northern Pennsylvania church fifteen years ago.
It was the pastor’s first worship service as the new pastor of a
church. As a Methodist, as is their
custom, he had been sent there by the bishop with little notice. The previous pastor had only been gone for
two weeks, and knowing that the congregation would be a bit flummoxed by losing
their longtime pastor and getting a new one, all in the space of four weeks,
the new pastor wanted to make sure his sermon was full of love, care, and
hope.
After
he finished his sermon, he went to the back of the sanctuary to shake everyone’s
hands as they walked out. This was a
church with a large center aisle leading to large double doors. There were also doors leading out of the
sanctuary at the back left and right. He
stood at the center door, waiting to shake everyone’s hand, but only about ten
out of the 80 or so in attendance came to him.
The others went out the side doors.
What had he said that was so bad? This was among the least controversial
sermons he had ever preached. Did he do
something wrong? Finally, he asked one of
the members what was going on. “Ah, the
big butter controversy,” replied the man.
“Didn’t anyone tell you about it?”
“The big butter controversy?
What’s that?” asked the pastor.
The man then proceeded to tell him about something that happened a long
time ago.
Thirty years before, the church had had it’s big harvest
celebration dinner. Being a farming
community, many brought food from their farms.
One woman (we’ll call her Maybelle) churned a lot of butter, bringing it
to share. After the dinner was over,
everyone cleaned up and left. The unused
butter was left behind. Another woman
(we’ll call her Kelly Sue), worried that it might spoil since the church didn’t
have a refrigerator. So she took it home
with her. A little while later, Maybelle
came back to get her butter, but it was gone.
She was convinced that Kelly Sue had taken the butter because she was
always jealous of her butter-churning skills.
So, she complained to her relatives in the church about what Kelly Sue
had done, and everyone in her family took her side.
Kelly
Sue’s family, seeing that she was being attacked, took her side against
Maybelle and her family. The church
became split, but being a family church they weren’t willing to leave and go
somewhere else. So on Sunday mornings
the family and friends of Maybelle went out one door, and the friends and
family of Kelli Sue went out the other.
Fifty years later the split still remained, even though all the original
people were dead and no one really remembered the reason for the feud anymore.
They weren’t even fighting anymore. But
the remnants of the fight still existed.
It’s amazing what can divide Christians against one another. It’s amazing how easily divided we are by
things big and especially small
Conflicts
like these are common in so many churches.
And it’s these kinds of conflicts drive so many people away from church. Christianity is held to a higher standard
today by non-Christians than it ever has.
People outside of the church know that we preach love, humility, compassion,
and being non-judgmental. So when they
see any of us acting out of anger, ego, selfishness, and being judgmental, they
turn away.
The
irony is that walking away from church doesn’t make a person more loving,
compassionate, humble, or non-judgmental.
If you really think deeply about the great butter controversy, you realize
that it’s not just churches that get divided.
People are constantly divided—families, communities, companies, country,
and nations. We live in a divisive age
in which relationships are disrupted all over the place, whether we are talking
about churches, families, or the community, division is everywhere
Think
about some of the most popular reality television shows—Dance Moms, Survivor, American Chopper, Real Housewives of Whatever
city, Jersey Shore, and all the rest.
They are popular because television executives know that conflict and division
sells. We’ve become a shallow culture,
an entertainment culture, and it nurtures division.
The
irony of all our conflict is that it is our ability to cooperate that has allowed
human beings to rise above all other animals.
As a species, humans have little of the self-protective or hunting
skills of other animals. Our teeth are
small and our jaws are weak. Our nails
are brittle. We’re not very fast. We’re not very strong. We don’t even camouflage well, yet we’ve
risen above all other animals. The
reason is our ability to cooperate. We
cooperate better than any other species in ways that lead to innovation and
that allows us to overcome all obstacles.
Yes, I know that ants and bees cooperate better on a massive scale, but
not in ways that overcome problems and obstacles. For example, when our habitat is threatened,
we either adapt or change our habitat.
Ants and bees die. We are
divided, but what has allowed us to dominate the earth has been our ability to
cooperate creatively.
Despite
church butter controversies, Christianity does promote love, yet it is also very
realistic about the ability of people to love.
Christianity calls people to unity, communion, and commitment to community,
yet at the same time it knows people have a hard time doing these. So Christianity also teaches reconciliation. Reconciliation is as important as love because
it promotes the idea that we can always love again.
To
understand what reconciliation really is, it helps to look at the origin of the
word. The word “reconcile” comes from
the Latin, reconciliare, which is a combination of “re”(again) + “conciliare”
(bring together). It means to “bring
together again,” and in the word itself is an understanding that division and
conflict between people exists. Reconciliation is a return to relationship. The Bible emphasizes reconciliation
constantly. It’s not so much in the
teachings as it is in the stories. A
tremendous number of stories are about reconciliation.
For
example, the story of Joseph in Genesis is a story of reconciliation. Joseph’s brothers did something terrible to
him, selling him into slavery, which led not only to Joseph’s enslavement, but
eventually to his imprisonment. But in
the end, after Joseph had become wildly successful, instead of exacting revenge
on his brothers, he forgave them and reconciled with them. The story of David and Bathsheba is one of
reconciliation between David and God, after David had done something terrible
in having Bathsheba’s husband killed in order to marry Bathsheba. The story of the Prodigal Son is one of
reconciliation in which the father both reconciles with and restores his
estranged son. Jesus forgives and
reconciles with Peter, even after Peter had denied him three times. And on the cross, Jesus reconciles with
everyone, at least from his part, by saying on the cross, “Father, forgive
them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Christianity
recognizes that while people are called to love, they will still divide and
engage in conflict. Yet God is always
calling us back to reconciliation. And there
are basic principles of reconciliation we can follow if we want to live a life
that’s open to reconciling. Let me share
three with you.
First,
reconciliation begins with humility. To reconcile with another, we have to have a
willingness to put away our pain, anger, and bitterness to be open to God’s
love. The fact is that very few of us
will go through life without experiencing some sort of relational pain. To overcome that pain, especially when it has
been inflicted on us, we have to be able to put aside our ego and recognize
that it’s not all about me. To overcome
conflict I have to be willing to say, “I can’t force that person to take
responsibility for what she or he did to me, but I can take responsibility for
what I’ve done, even if what I’ve done isn’t that much. I can take responsibility for harboring
resentment, bitterness, anger, and for not doing what I can to reconcile.” This
kind of humility is one that opens us to God’s love by letting go of our anger,
bitterness, and bile.
Second,
reconciliation is fed by forgiveness. We forgive when we are willing to give the
gift of letting go to another. I know
that forgiving others is hard, especially when we have been deeply hurt. Most people don’t realize that forgiveness is
literally “giving forward a gift.” When
we forgive, we give the most precious gift we can give another, which is to
give them something undeserved. We give
them the gift of not holding against them what they have done to us. Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. But it is a gift we give freely to another
who may have done nothing to earn that gift.
It
is popular among many Christians to say that we cannot forgive till another
person has repented. That’s a
fallacy. If we demand repentance, an
apology, we are asking that person to pay for our forgiveness. Forgiving is a gift, and it is ever more
powerful when it is given without an apology or repentance.
Finally,
reconciliation is completed with
otherness. To reconcile we have to
let go of “me” to become open to “we.”
Reconciliation means turning our attention away from MY pain, MY hurt,
My-self, and turning toward another and saying, “I’m going to make you matter
more than me.” It’s when we learn to let
go of “me” to focus on “we” that we begin to live lives pregnant with the
possibility of reconciliation.
I
want to close with a story that I think captures these three principles. It’s a story that a mentor of mine, Jack
Hodges, told me. Jack was the senior
pastor of First Presbyterian Church in Murrysville, Pennsylvania when I served
there as an associate pastor. Jack told
me about something that happened when he was the pastor of a church in Oregon.
Apparently there were two women, Nancy and Linda, who had developed a strong
distaste for each other. They both were longtime members of the church, and at
one point had been good friends. But
then something happened. They had a
disagreement with each other and could no longer stand the sight of each
other.
This
was difficult for the church because both were very involved in leading the
church. They often served on the same
committees. When one would come up with
an idea, often the other would contradict it just for spite. The division in them was causing a minor
division in the church.
All
of this changed one day during a worship service. Jack had preached about forgiveness, and then
afterwards led communion. He said that he
noticed Linda and Nancy glancing at each other during communion. During the prayer after communion, Nancy stood
up and walked down the side aisle. Then Linda stood up on the other side of the
sanctuary and walked down the other aisle.
They met in the back of the sanctuary.
Jack wasn’t sure what would happen, and worried that they might start
fighting. He saw Nancy lift her arms,
and then Linda lift hers. They hugged
and forgave each other. Jack told me
that this was one of the most amazing things he has ever witnessed. And it is
no coincidence that this happened during communion. Communion is a sacrament that is rooted in
Jesus’ forgiveness after his body was broken body and his blood was shed. It is a sacrament of forgiveness.
They
reconciled because they became humble, forgave each other, and focused on each
other rather than themselves.
We’re
called to a different standard from those who live in and of the world. We’re called to be in the world, but not of the
world, which means we’re called to be better than the world. We’re called to be a humble, forgiving,
other-oriented kind of people. We’re
called to become the kind of people who make reconciliation possible
Amen.
