Colossians 3:5-17
July 10, 2011
Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed (which is idolatry). On account of these the wrath of God is coming on those who are disobedient. These are the ways you also once followed, when you were living that life.
But now you must get rid of all such things—anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator. In that renewal there is no longer Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and free; but Christ is all and in all!
As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
I don’t know if you were at all like me, but growing up I loved mythology. I loved Greek mythology, Norse mythology, and any other mythology I could find. And of the mythologies out there, I especially loved Greek mythology. I’m not sure what it was about the Greeks. They had a special ability to create stories explaining the human condition. They were Shakespeare before Shakespeare. While most of their myths did give explanations for natural phenomenon, I don’t think that’s what their main purpose was. Greek myths often were more interested in explaining human nature rather than nature and creation in general. That’s what I loved about Greek myths. In fact, many of our current psychological terms originated in Greek mythology.
Among my favorite Greek myths is the story of Narcissus and Echo. Do you know that myth? It’s wonderful in terms of helping us understand the human tendency toward selfishness and self-obsession. There once was a water nymph named Echo. Nymphs were minor deities who inhabited trees, lakes, streams, and all of nature. Like all other nature nymphs, Echo was beautiful. And she was popular. Her one fault was that she loved to talk, gossip, and get in the last word.
One day, Zeus was out cavorting with all the other water nymphs when his wife, Hera (the head of all the goddesses), showed up looking for him. She knew that he was having dalliances with the nymphs, and she wanted to catch him in the act. Zeus asked Echo to distract Hera so he could get away. She complied. Afterwards, Hera was furious with Echo. So she cursed her, telling her that from that moment forward her tongue would only be able to imitate others. She would not be able to speak for herself.
From that time forth Echo was unable to form relationships with others. She retreated to the valleys and canyons, imitating the sounds that drifted her way. Over time, a young man started visiting her particular valley, and he was the most beautiful man ever created. His name was Narcissus. She fell in love with him and wondered how to get him to love her.
One day, she decided to give it her all. As Narcissus walked through the valley, Echo followed. Narcissus wheeled around and said, “Who’s there?” Echo echoed back, “there.” Narcissus said, “Show yourself and come to me.” Echo said, “Come to me.” Narcissus, growing more frustrated, yelled out, “Come and join me.” With that, Echo rushed out of the woods and embraced him, crying, “Join me.” Narcissus recoiled in revulsion, saying, “I can’t join you. Who are you? I have nothing to do with you.” And with that, he walked away. Echo was crushed. The other nymphs, who had been rejected also by Narcissus, prayed that Narcissus could feel the pain of his rejection. A goddess heard this prayer and put a curse on Narcissus that he would fall in love with the next face he saw, longing forever for that person, but being unable to receive love in return.
Walking through the woods he came across a magnificent pond. It was completely still. No animals drank from it, no leaves or branches spoiled its surface. Gazing down into the pool of water as he prepared for a drink, he glimpsed his own face and fell in love with his own reflection. He was mesmerized. He called out in longing for the face in the pool, and reached for it, but the ripples from his hand caused the figure to disappear. Narcissus was devastated. He waited, and as the waters calmed, the face returned. Narcissus tried again to reach out to his love, and the ripples caused the figure to disappear. He sat back, and in tears awaited his love’s return.
From that moment onward, Narcissus never left the pond. Day and night he sat by its side, staring at his own reflection. Eventually he wasted away and died of exposure and from his unrequited love for himself.
The myth of Narcissus is the basis of a psychological disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is a condition in which people become obsessed with themselves and their own power. But those with the personality disorder aren’t the only ones affected by self-obsession. We live in a self-obsessed culture. We live in a narcissistic culture. And our collective narcissism makes it hard for us to also be Christians.
It doesn’t take much to prove my case. For example, look at what magazines are the most popular. People and Us magazines are more popular than Time or Newsweek. That’s different from 30 years ago when newsmagazines were among the most popular. These are magazines popular today because they’re narcissistic. And websites like People, TMZ, and others are also among the most popular. We’re obsessed with celebrities—that is to say we’re obsessed with the self-obsessed. And a relatively new phenomenon is celebrities who are celebrities for being celebrities—people like Paris Hilton, the Kardashians, and others. Consistently among the top television shows are those that celebrate narcissistic endeavors. I realize that “Survivor” isn’t necessarily a top show anymore, but it is a show that emphasizes who can get to the top, as does “The Apprentice,” “The Great Race,” “The Bachelorette,” and others. Also, there are many reality shows, such as “American Idol,” “The Voice,” “America’s Got Talent,” and others that are focused on finding that new celebrity that we can idolize. The only thing we like more than celebrating narcissists is seeing narcissists fall. Aren’t we fickle?
We love narcissists because they often are beautiful, charismatic, and gifted, and we want to be like that. The fact is that narcissists permeate every part of our culture, including among churches, and including clergy. Even among clergy, especially among televangelists, there is competition for who is the most popular, the most charismatic, oversees the biggest church, and so forth.
The real problem of narcissism is that the more self-absorbed we become, the harder it is so see ourselves as we really are. And a big part of the Christian life is seeing ourselves with humility, not as we puff ourselves up to be in our imaginations. Too many of us create a mythological self-image, seeing ourselves as we believe we are, and when we do so we live out of our false selves. When I use this term, I’m using a term that is traditional in a field of theology called “mystical theology.” The idea of the false self is that God created us with a “true self,” with an ability to become the person we most truly are, a person created in the image of God. Unfortunately, too many of us cultivate a false self, a person based on a desire for popularity, acceptance, influence, and power. We recognize easily those who deviate the most from their true selves. We call them “fake” people, recognizing that there is something about them that isn’t authentic. But all of us have a falseness in us to some extent. The Christian spiritual life is about letting go of that falseness so that we can become who we truly are. And narcissism leads us away from who we truly are, and into falseness.
One of the keys to growing spiritually in faith is to develop the ability to see ourselves from outside of ourselves; to see ourselves not only as others see us, but (as best we can) to see ourselves as God sees us. To really get out of our narcissistic ways requires us to look more objectively at ourselves from perspectives other than our own. This is not the same as looking at ourselves from others’ points of view so that they’ll accept us. When we pursue popularity, we are look at ourselves from outside of ourselves in order to cover over our fears and insecurities. That’s being false. Seeing ourselves from outside of ourselves in a spiritual, mature way means seeing the faults in us that others may see in us, but also recognizing the good and beauty others may see—and especially that God sees.
So much of Scripture is devoted toward nurturing our true selves. For example, when Jesus says that we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us, he is telling us to step outside of ourselves. Look at what we’re doing from the other person’s perspective and experience. Would we want them to do to us what we are doing to them?
Scripture’s teachings about sin are also a counter to narcissism. And there’s nothing that shows more how narcissistic we are in our modern culture than our aversion to acknowledging sin. Many people who have left the Christian faith have complained about the church’s emphatic belief that we do sin and that we need to be forgiven for our sin. Narcissists don’t want to hear about what’s wrong with them, only about what’s right. Many of the evangelical megachurches have tapped into our culture’s aversion to sin by getting rid of confession during worship. You’ll notice that in most contemporary worship services there is no confession. Why? Because Americans don’t like to think about sin. So they’ve gotten rid of the emphasis on sin in worship. Don’t want to bum people out. The irony is that many of these churches have strong theologies that emphasize how sin is everywhere, but they deemphasize sin in worship. They do so because they are trying to attract non-Christians, whom they know don’t want to think about sin. So publicly they put on a non-sin-emphasizing face, while being sin-emphasizing in private.
Our Scripture for today is also an example of the need to look at ourselves from outside of ourselves. It starts with an honest assessment of the way we often are by telling us to “Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed (which is idolatry).” It then goes on to tell us to adopt ways of being that require us to be sensitive to how others perceive us: “As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body.”
So let’s say you wanted to start looking at yourself more from outside of yourself. How would you go about it? It starts with just listening to yourself, and I don’t mean listening to your voice. I mean that we should pay attention to our inner monologues and what we tell ourselves deep within. For example, if we find ourselves consistently being critical of others, getting angry or frustrated with them, irritated and disgusted, it means we aren’t very self-aware. The reason is that we’re not very aware of our motivations.
This gets into psychology 101. For a long time psychologists have recognized that while our emotions emerge from our bodies and our biology, many of our emotions are responses to cognitive thoughts. The famous psychologist, Albert Ellis, developed a whole therapy based on the idea that emotions are responses to thoughts. He worked with clients to get them to make choices about their emotions, and about what emotions to act upon. To clients who would say to him, “My father made me mad,” or “My wife made me mad,” he would respond, “Nobody can make you mad. You choose to be angry in response to what they’ve done.” He points out that we have emotional choices. You’ve experienced this. For instance, have you noticed (if you’re married) that the behaviors your spouse does now that drive you nuts had much less impact on you when you were dating? Back then you chose to have a different emotion in response to that behavior. Now, you choose to be angry or irritated.
The Christian life is about becoming aware and honest about our motivations. Why do we get angry with others? Why do we choose to be unkind? To understand why, we have to look at ourselves from outside of ourselves, even as we are looking at the deepest part of ourselves.
To become self-aware also means to spend time reflecting on how others see us, and paying attention to others when we’re with them. When we are talking with others, do we pay attention to the clues they give us about how they’re experiencing us? If they lean back, look away, act disinterested, are we picking up on that, or do we keep on going with whatever we’ve been doing?
Finally, there’s also a spiritual part. Part of seeing ourselves from outside ourselves means trying to see ourselves as God sees us. To do this means more than just recognizing our sin and recognizing God’s love, both of which are crucially important. To see ourselves as God sees us means becoming humble. This takes us right back to Genesis. To be humble means to recognize that everything that’s special about us comes from God, not from us. The Genesis story tells us that God created us from dust, and then breathed God’s Spirit into us. Without that Spirit, we are no different from every animal, every plant, every rock, and dirt. We are a collection of carbon molecules constructed in an interesting way. It’s the breath of Spirit that makes us special, that gives us human insight and abilities. Being humble means recognizing our own earthiness, and God’s greatness as expressed in the gift of life we’ve all been given.
Ultimately a key to living a healthy life has to do with learning to look from outside of ourselves to discover who we really are. The question I’d like you to reflect on is simple: Do you have the guts to look?
Amen.
