Acts 10:9-16
October
5, 2013
About noon the next day, as they
were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the roof to
pray. He became hungry and wanted something to eat; and while it was being
prepared, he fell into a trance. He saw the heaven opened and something like a
large sheet coming down, being lowered to the ground by its four corners. In it
were all kinds of four-footed creatures and reptiles and birds of the air. Then
he heard a voice saying, ‘Get up, Peter; kill and eat.’ But Peter said, ‘By no
means, Lord; for I have never eaten anything that is profane or unclean.’ The
voice said to him again, a second time, ‘What God has made clean, you must not
call profane.’ This happened three times, and the thing was suddenly taken up
to heaven.
I burned out at age 24,… and it was a bad burnout.
Normally you don’t think of people burning out at that young an age, although
it happens. It’s not hard to find top athletes who burn out from their sport,
and abruptly quit. You find similar stories among young musicians, dancers, and
graduate students. And I was one of them. I burned out from a vocation I had
pursued since I had been 15 years old, which was counseling.
Above everything else, I wanted to be a great therapist.
I had majored in psychology, done internships the Roanoke County Probation
Court to be trained as a therapist. I then got a job as a therapist with
adolescents and children in a psychiatric hospital. I was doing everything I had
wanted. But I was slowly falling apart. It was a combination of factors that
led me to be burned out. The hospital had little regard for its workers, which
meant that the schedule was demanding. I continually followed an evening shift
with a morning shift, or an evening shift with a night shift, and I got only
every third weekend off. Also, I had broken up with my college girlfriend, so I
was feeling very alone, with no time to be with others outside of work. In the
midst of this personal stress, we had a particularly violent group of kids.
Some of them threatened me with bodily harm as they stalked the halls hoping to
catch me alone. I couldn’t do it anymore, so I quit without any other job
prospects. Worse, my career plans were dashed.
This burnout eventually led me on a six-year journey of
moving home, going to graduate school for counseling, on to seminary, and eventually
becoming a pastor. As a result of that burnout I became a big believer that a
key to happiness, and to discovering God, is living a balanced life. My burnout
was the result of a massive imbalance of life. It’s often not our work that
kills us, but how unbalanced our work can make us.
You would think that now that I’m a pastor, I must have
an easy time being balanced. If there is any career that supports balance, it’s
ministry, right? Pastors are people who teach balance, so they must be
balanced.
Most people wouldn’t think of ministry as a burnout
career, but it has one of the highest burnout rates of any vocation. Many
people think that we pastors preach on Sundays, and then don’t do much the rest
of the week. They think that it’s really just a career of reading, praying,
visiting a few people, and then preaching. What could be better? That’s not the
way ministry is in reality.
Ten years ago, our staff secretary, Michelle Shepler, had
a conversation with one of our members. The member was in the office, and made
a comment to her that I’m so lucky because I have such an easy life. All I do
is preach on Sundays and hang out the rest of the week. Michelle said to her,
“Are you kidding? No one works more than him.” She then went on to go through a
typical week of mine, along with all the things that happen in the church that
I have to pay attention to. Michelle said it took her about twenty minutes to
go through everything. Afterwards, the woman said to her, “Oh my God. Why would
anyone choose a career like that? I had no idea.”
I don’t say this to get pity or sympathy from anyone.
It’s more to make a point: if pastors
have so much trouble achieving balance in their lives, how are we all supposed
to get balance. The reality is that ministry is very unbalanced, and the
stats related to clergy burnout are pretty striking. This all comes from a 2010
article in the New York Times, which said that:
Members of the clergy now suffer from obesity,
hypertension and depression at rates higher than most Americans. In the last
decade, their use of antidepressants has risen, while their life expectancy has
fallen. Many would change jobs if they could.
- 23% have been fired or pressured to resign at least once in their careers.
- 25% feel like they don't know where to turn when they have a family or personal conflict or issue.
- 33% felt burned out within their first five years of ministry.
- 33% say that being in ministry is an outright hazard to their family.
- 40% of pastors and 47% of spouses are suffering from burnout, frantic schedules, and/or unrealistic expectations.
- 45% of pastors say that they've experienced depression or burnout to the extent that they needed to take a leave of absence from ministry.
- 50% feel unable to meet the needs of the job.
- 52% of pastors say they and their spouses believe that being in pastoral ministry is hazardous to their family's well-being and health.
- 56% of pastors' spouses say that they have no close friends.
- 57% would leave the pastorate if they had somewhere else to go or some other vocation they could do.
- 70% don't have any close friends.
- 75% report severe stress causing anguish, worry, bewilderment, anger, depression, fear, and alienation.
- 80% of pastors say they have insufficient time with their spouse.
- 80% believe that pastoral ministry affects their families negatively.
- 90% feel unqualified or poorly prepared for ministry.
- 90% work more than 50 hours a week.
- 94% feel under pressure to have a perfect family.
- 1,500 pastors leave their ministries each month due to burnout, conflict, or moral failure.
- Doctors, lawyers and clergy have the most problems with drug abuse, alcoholism and suicide.
Again, I don’t say all of this to generate a pity
party for me or for my vocation. I don’t fit into any of those categories, but
I think that part of this has to do with my burnout at age 24. I guard my life
and my family to prevent burnout. I do things like making sure that when I’m at
the church I’m at the church, but when I’m home I’m home. I take time to
exercise, pray, and I try as best I can to eat very healthy. I try to get
enough sleep, and when I feel overwhelmed I take time for breaks. Also, until
this year we sent our children to a Catholic elementary school, and one reason
is so that they could grow up without feeling the pressures of being pastor’s
kids. My point still isn’t even about my balance. It is making the point that even
in a career that should be the most balanced, it is incredibly easy to become
imbalanced.
The fact is that clergy aren’t alone. Most Americans live
unbalanced lives that can lead to burnout. And many, many of us walk around
without a sense of balance in our lives. This imbalance is a reason why it can
be so hard for people to find happiness.
Why is it so hard to live a
more balanced life? There are a number of reasons, but two stand out.
First, American culture often skews to the extremes, and this skewing often leads to imbalance.
It’s not hard to find evidence of American extremes. I’ll offer a few. For
instance, look at drinking patterns at most college students. Drinking has been
a part of college life for hundreds of years, but the patterns have changed in
the last 10-20 years. What researchers are noticing is that college students
tend either towards teetotalling or binging, but not moderation. Recent studies
have shown that binge drinking has increased exponentially, with students
regularly drinking six, seven, eight beers in a night on a regular basis,… or
they don’t drink at all.
This is very different from a biblical view of drinking.
I’m not presenting the Baptist view, but the actual view, which is drinking in
good, in MODERATION. The ancient Jews had a saying, which was “Without wine
there is no joy.” Ancient people drank wine all day long because the water was
bad and the wine killed germs. They drank a diluted mix. They also drank
regularly at worship, celebrations, and more. Wine was considered a gift from
God that helped forge relationships. But drinking to drunkenness was taboo. If
you drank to the point of being drunk, people would turn their backs on you. It
was very clear that alcohol was okay, but drunkenness was an abuse of God’s
gift.
Americans also tend towards excessive ideals in diet and
exercise. There are so many diets out there that emphasize extremes: eat only
bananas for three weeks, then switch to rice for a week, then move to only
fruit smoothies. Of course, this is an exaggeration, but there are a lot of
extremes in terms of diet—only meat protein, or only vegan, or only carbs, or
only… whatever. There are similarities in exercise where people feel like you
have to be able to run a marathon to be fit, or bench press 400 pounds, or
climb 200 foot cliffs in under an hour. Actually, what most researchers have
found is that eating a truly balanced diet (30% protein, 70% fruits and
vegetables) leads to the healthiest diet, while just walking 20-30 minutes a
day, and doing light weight lifting three times a week, is enough to make you
healthy.
Americans are extremists. I think our unofficial
American motto should be if a little is
good, a lot is great!
There’s a second reason why we have such a hard time
with balance. It’s what I call “The
Committee of Our Selves.” Basically, each one of us is not a “me” but a
“we.” One of the reasons we consistently do things we don’t want to do—cheat on
diets, say inconsiderate things to loved ones, and have a hard time changing
habits—is that we aren’t a self, but a collection of selves.
Scientists who study the brain are increasingly aware
that our minds are made up of a collection of different regions that are all
concerned with different parts of our lives. And these different regions don’t
always agree on what our life priorities are. Let me use my mind as an example.
First, in my mind there is “Macho Guy.” Macho Guy is the
part of my brain that’s concerned with how manly I am. Am I tough enough, am I
strong enough, am I muscly and fit enough? This part of me is concerned with my
status and strength in life. There’s nothing worse to this part of me than
being weak and unmanly.
There’s also Glutton Guy. He’s the guy who could care
less how fit and strong I am. He’s the one who says, “You’ve worked enough,
you’re fit enough… Now it’s time to EAT!
Have some more chips. Have another glass of wine. What, you’ve had two
already? Go ahead and have two
more.” Glutton Guy regularly fights with
Macho Guy.
These two are offset by Studly Guy. Studly Guy walks
around, thinking, “Do the girls like me? Am I attractive enough? I certainly
need some new clothes to make me more attractive.” Studly Guy has visions of
looking like a movie star, and is in regular conflict with the other guys.
One of the guys that Studly Guy fights with regularly is Emo
Guy. Emo Guy is very emotional. He constantly whines and complains that,
“Nobody likes me. Nobody understands me. I have too much work. I’m getting
angry,… no, sad,… no, giddy,… no,… I don’t know what I am.”
Emo Guy cries and gets upset at everything, which feeds
right into Anxious Guy. Anxious Guy sits around all day wondering “what if?”
What if this project doesn’t work right? What if I don’t have enough money?
What if there isn’t a God? What if there is? What will I do if things don’t
work out?
Anxious Guy is never content, and he really bugs Morality
Man. Morality Man likes things to be black and white. He sees things in terms
of right and wrong. He knows what is right, and is good at judging others
according to these clear delineations (although he can be much more forgiving
when he’s the one who breaks the moral code).
Moral Guy sometimes gets along with Giving Guy, the guy
who loves to give things to others. This guy loves to have parties because he
loves to give others good food and drink, making him a sometime friend of
Glutton Guy. Giving Guy is a romantic, and also likes to give to charities, do
good deeds, and care about people. The problem is that Giving Guy generally
irritates Macho Guy, Anxious Guy, Emo Guy, and Studly Guy.
Every once in a while Intellectual Guy helps out Giving
Guy, but only when it makes rational sense and will bring something back in
return. Intellectual Guy likes to think everything through, which puts him in
regular conflict with Emo Guy.
The whole point of this is that we are a constant
conflict of different desires, temperaments, and concerns, and they all pull us
all the time toward imbalance. It’s because of this Committee of the Selves
that Paul said in Romans 7, “I can will what
is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I
do not want is what I do.” Our committee is always in conflict, and we get
out of balance as one “guy” or another gets control. So we careen from gluttony
to emotionality to steely intellectuality to morality and onward.
We actually bring balance to our committee by letting
Spiritual Guy run the committee. Spiritual Guy is in touch with God, with what
our purpose is, and with how God wants us to be. He works with the others to
transform us into healthier, happier people. Spiritual Guy balances the
concerns of all of them, but puts them into a healthier balance.
Bringing Spiritual Guy to the table simply means giving a
priority to how we know we are supposed to live, but in a way that’s balanced.
We don’t want Spiritual Guy to take over to the point where everything else is
denied.
The point of all of this is that we are called to balance
because it is in this balance that we find happiness.
Amen.
