Understanding Spiritual Experiences: Conversion

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Acts 9:1-19
January 30, 2011

Meanwhile Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any who belonged to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. Now as he was going along and approaching Damascus, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” He asked, “Who are you, Lord?” The reply came, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But get up and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.” The men who were traveling with him stood speechless because they heard the voice but saw no one. Saul got up from the ground, and though his eyes were open, he could see nothing; so they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. For three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.
Now there was a disciple in Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” He answered, “Here I am, Lord.” The Lord said to him, “Get up and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul. At this moment he is praying, and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.” But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints in Jerusalem; and here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who invoke your name.” But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is an instrument whom I have chosen to bring my name before Gentiles and kings and before the people of Israel; I myself will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” So Ananias went and entered the house. He laid his hands on Saul and said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus, who appeared to you on your way here, has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and his sight was restored. Then he got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength. For several days he was with the disciples in Damascus,…

What do you make of the story of Paul’s conversion? Do you think it was a one-time conversion just for Paul, or do you think that all Christians need to have a somewhat similar conversion experience? These are hard questions to answer, and how you answer it may depend on what your experiences have been.

I’ve been around a lot of Christians who have had conversion experiences, and a lot of them say that to really be a Christian we have to have one of these big experiences. They base their beliefs on John 3:3, which says, ”Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from again.” There’s a problem when it comes to using this passage, though. The problem is that the passage doesn’t actually describe what a “born-again” experience should be like, nor does it say that it should be like Paul’s. Despite the fact that many people have had certain experiences that they describe as “born-again,” other than Paul’s conversion, there are few other examples in the Bible of what a born-again experience might be like. Also, even the term “born-again” is a bit questionable since the Greek word for “again,” ανοθεν, also means “from above.” Thus, Jesus is telling us that we either need to be born again from above, or born from above again. Both terms are a bit nebulous, despite many people’s insistence that it means that we must have an experience like Paul,… or like them.

Still, I’ve met many people over the years who have had Paul-like experiences, and many of these experiences are quite inspiring. For example, I remember having done a wedding for a couple in which the groom came from a Pentecostal family. Pentecostals believe that to be saved we must be “born-again” (despite the fact that in the passage cited before, it doesn’t say we have to be born again to be saved, only born again/from above to see the kingdom of God). I was co-officiating with a Pentecostal pastor. At the reception, I was put at the table with that pastor, his wife, and several other people, all of whom were Pentecostals.

During dinner, the conversation turned to when each of us was “saved.” Everyone started sharing stories of when they had their born-again experiences. One-by-one each person told her or his story. The whole time I kept wondering what I would say when it was my turn. You see, I haven’t had a born-again experience like all of them. I’ve had many small experiences, but no one, big, life-changing experience. There’s a reason. Even though I walked away from the church at 15 and returned when I was in my early twenties, I never strayed that far. I always cared about my relationship with God, and I was always trying to live a life of service. I never had that experience of living a terrible life and then returning to Christ. So I didn’t have that kind of story.

It got to the point at which I was supposed to share my story, and fortunately just as everyone looked at me the best man stood up to give his toast. By the time all the toasts were given, everyone had forgotten about me telling my story. God is good

Still, I remember almost all of the stories from that dinner. I especially remember one story from a man named Sal. Sal talked about how he was surprised by God in a very unlikely place. Years ago, he had had dreams of becoming a successful musician, but over time it became apparent that he just didn’t have the talent or the skill. He went from band to band, hoping to make it big, but instead the bands just got worse and worse.

He was working during the day selling computers, or something like that, while playing guitar at night in a cheesy, bad top-40s band. It was New Year’s Eve at the old Holiday House in Monroeville and midnight struck while he was playing in the band. Streamers flew, champaign corks popped, men and women kissed, and Sal stood with the band, playing Auld Lang Syne. He felt cynical, bitter, and angry. He looked at these people, drunk and acting like fools, and he thought to himself, “These idiots! They are going through the paces of life. They are nothing but sad, lonely people with nothing going for them but getting drunk on New Year’s Eve and kissing everyone in sight.” As he thought these bitter thoughts, God broke through. He suddenly realized he was describing himself, and that there was a better way with God. In that moment he felt God’s love, and it led him to love the people he was looking at. He changed in that moment and said a prayer to God, promising to follow God wherever God led. It led him to join a church, and to eventually play in a church worship and praise band.

Sal was converted on the spot. It wasn’t quite Paul’s experience, but it was powerful. It’s not only Pentecostals who have these kinds of experiences. Sometimes even Presbyterians have them. Another woman I know, Lori, a Presbyterian pastor I met while in graduate school, had an experience of God that led to her conversion and changed her life. She had grown up without religion in Utah. One day, when she was in her mid-20s, she was walking by a golf course. She heard the thwack of ball being hit off the tee, and before she could react the golf ball smacked her in the back of the head, knocking her unconscious. As she lied on the ground, she felt God’s presence, and it was the most loving presence she had ever felt. She knew that God loved her beyond any love a human person could give. She was loved completely without condition. Afterwards, she became so thoroughly consumed with this experience that she decided to go to seminary and become a pastor so that she could live her life in the service of that one who loved her so deeply.

It’s not only Pentecostals and Presbyterian pastors who have these kinds of experiences. We have a number of members here who have had experiences. I’ve been privileged to hear about these experiences, and many of them are profound. But to me, there’s still an essential question: do we have to have some sort of conversion experience to truly become a Christian? The answer is yes,… and no. It all depends on what you mean?

I don’t think you have to have a radical experience like Paul’s, Sal’s, or Lori’s in order to become a Christian, but to be a Christian means to undergo conversion. Actually, what most people don’t realize is that the kinds of experiences Paul, Sal, and Lori had are both gifts and indications. They are gifts that give people certainty about God’s love and presence, but also indications that they had been particularly closed off to God. You’ll notice a trend in most people who have had dramatic conversion experiences. Most had been living lives that were either God-absent. What I mean is that they were ignoring God, they were often focusing only on themselves and their own concerns, or they were actively trying to hurt people who do have faith. Their conversion comes because they are so far away from God that the movement back to God is sudden and traumatic, much like a rubber band snapping back hard from too much tension.

The fact is that many Christians never have that big a conversion experience because they never really stretched that far from God in the first place. I know that I’ve never had that big, one-time conversion experience. And I doubt I ever will. The reason is that even though I walked away from the church for a time, I never walked away from God. And even while I was away from the church, I was still trying to live a life of serving God. That’s how I became a counselor in the first place. I was trying to serve God. So my conversions have all been relatively small but powerfu. And they have been constant throughout the years.

I think that the emphasis by some Christians on the need for that big, one-time conversion actually hides a feature of the Christian life that Paul’s life reveals. Paul’s conversion may have been dramatic, but it was only the first conversion of many. Paul didn’t have his one conversion and then suddenly become an apostle. His conversion was followed by time spent in the Arabian desert, three years of training in Damascus to learn the Christian life, and then fourteen years living in the city of Tarsus, working as a tent maker. His sudden conversion was followed by seventeen years of ongoing small conversions as he moved deeper and deeper into the Christian life. What Paul’s life reveals is that we aren’t just called to a one-time conversion. We are called to live lives that are constantly being converted.

The fact is that all of us are called to ongoing conversion. One of the hallmark sayings of the Reformed tradition, of which the Presbyterian Church is a part, is “reformed, always being reformed.” This means that we are transformed, and always being transformed. To be a Christian means to live a life that never stays the same. We are called to constant conversion.

Adrian van Kaam said it another way. He said that we are called to continual JND experiences. Do you know what JND means? It means “just noticeable differences.” When we really open up to God, we become changed all the time, but in ways that are just noticeable. And over the years, as we look back, we can see how those changes accumulate, so that one, two, three,… forty years later we recognize that we are not the same as we were.

This kind of conversion also moves us out of our comfort zones and our boxes. For instance, what I’ve noticed among people who grow spiritually over time is that liberals become more conservative,… and conservatives become more liberal. The reason? God stretches us to grow where we are stunted, and to be a Christian means to grow beyond restrictive labels. The more we identify ourselves with particular movements, even Christian movements, the more we inhibit conversion and transformation—the more we inhibit God in our lives.

You may not know this, but Calvin Church is set up as a place of conversion. We aren’t like many of the evangelical and Pentecostal churches that are particularly good at sparking that big, one-time conversion. We aren’t particularly good at getting that non-Christian to experience God for the first time. But what we are good at is taking that already converted Christian and helping her or him to change everyday.

You can see this in the way I preach. In all honesty, the way I preach is not intended to inspire you. But it is meant to change you. When I preach each Sunday, what I’m hoping for is that you will walk away with the seeds for a JND experience during the week. My hope is that I’ve opened up a possibility with God that you are willing to explore, and because you are, you can be subtly changed by God. I’m not looking for that one-time conversion. I’m looking for that constant conversion.

The key to this ongoing conversion is whether you’re prepared for it. The more you think you know, the more closed off you are. In fact, the hardest people to reach are often those Christians who think they know enough, and therefore don’t allow themselves to be stretched daily. These are the ones you’ve experienced, who have all the answers and who have no problems judging the failings of others. They’ve had the one-time conversion, and they think it makes them an expert on who is or isn’t a Christian.

Do you want to know the real secret to living a life of ongoing conversion? It is a life lived with awe, reverence, and humility. The question is where you are in all of this, and what are you doing to allow yourself to be converted everyday.

Amen